How to Make the Intimate Practical
Rebecca Mullen on the art of evolving a how-to book
“Writing is a messy process … I can’t tell where I’m failing until I get something down.” —Rebecca Mullen, author of 6 Steps to Better Marriage Communication
Preview: Emerging Form Episode 127
When Rebecca Mullen began writing 6 Steps to Better Marriage Communication, she didn’t know what those six steps were. She did know “I was offering my clients similar tools over and over … and I wanted something hard and fast and easy for them to follow.” Her process involved thinking in color, many many index cards, finding the right balance between compassionate and authoritative, and learning how to write in a knowledgable voice that still honored her deep-listening, interactive, inquisitive, conversational style. Can an author be both intimate and practical? Yes. And as every writer knows, our writing can teach us so much—her own insights are profound.
Rebecca Mullen is an artist, writer, and coach. She hosts the podcast Habits for Your Happily Ever After, and her TEDx Talk invites you to create peace at the dinner table with the stories you tell. Her brand-new book is called 6 Steps to Better Marriage Communication.
What We’re Reading and Listening to:
Rosemerry:
Do you ever wish someone would sing you a lullaby? As a grown woman, I fell in love with Lantern in the Dark, an album made this year by folks singers Edie Carey and Sarah Simple. As the title suggests, it’s comforting and perfect for cradling the self when you need a bit of gentleness. Haunting. Beautiful. Heart-opening.
I’ve been listening to episodes of the First Draft podcast, a dialogue on writing, with Mitzi Rapkin and I especially loved the episode from 2021 with Diane Seuss, who won the Pulitzer Prize for her book Frank: Sonnets. What a gift to listen in on her process and hear her read her own work—so different in her mouth for me than on the page. She’s irreverent and utterly reverent. I was enthralled.
Christie:
Did you know that there’s a scientifically tested way to help people become closer? Really. I was reminded of it when a scientist I follow on social media shared that he uses a version of the method for introductions to his lab students and two of them who met this way just got married. (This isn’t just an interesting plot feature of Nathan Hill’s lovely novel Wellness, it really happens!) The Greater Good Science Center at Berkeley has a handy site where you can get the tool and try it out.
James by Percival Everett is just as fantastic as everyone says. A retelling of The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn from the perspective of Jim, a runaway slave who becomes Huck’s friend. The character development is superb as is the novel’s exploration of racism, slavery and code switching. It also delves into the power of reading and books. One of my top reads this year.
.You know you are a word nerd if, like me, you want to send Kate Brannen’s Slate primer, “How to Make Your Last Name Plural on Your Holiday Cards” to everyone and their mother.
This reflection on death and dying from Sarah Wildman, written through the lens of her young daughter who died of cancer, is a must-read for anyone who, well, it’s for all of us. It should be required reading for doctors.
This Being a Parent
(with thanks to Rebecca Mullen)
The way the tangerine never thinks
to thank its peel, the way the button
doesn’t appreciate the thread
that tethers it, the way the water
doesn’t honor the shore
for encompassing it, this is the way I want
you to take me for granted. As if
I will always be here to hold you. As if
you are so safe you forget
that things change. As if you are so sure
of my love that it’s as assumed
as air, as unremarkable as birdsong
in summer, as given as the gravity
that keeps you from floating away,
as constant as the sound of the river
that you need to leave before
you remember to hear it again.
—Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer
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This week, we talk to Rebecca about the power of symmetry, how her writing and coaching practice was inspired by how physicians learn appendectomies, and the longing to write a book that will change the world. If you are not yet a paid subscriber, you can go now to our website, EmergingForm.substack.com, or by clicking the button below. Thank you!
Two Questions:
(share your answers with us here on Substack or in our FB group)
What questions are most helpful for you in your revision practice?
How do you use color as a part of your creative process?
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